Saturday, March 24, 2012

Recognizing your fucktardiness - 5 steps to a better you.

Actually the 5 steps part is a lie. Genuine fucktards don't want to get better, and pretend ones can change in an instant.

*I am a fucktard myself from time to time. Usually because I am amused by some repetitive behaviour that offers a little cheap entertainment. You know what I'm talking about.

I've just cracked open a bottle of wine, so this one should be either punchier, meaner or stupider in fairly short order. :)

I am deeply disppointed by humanity at the moment. I have some quite good reasons not to be, but I'm choosing to ignore them in favour of the very annoying behaviour I have been a witness too lately. I have had to say 'WTF is wrong with you????!' too many times to ignore. I told you the story of the fucktard and the burnt finger, I have a million more. Oh the finger is so badly burnt it doesn't hurt! There's a big white strip of DEAD across it. LOL.

So you think you might be a fucktard? Early warning signs are:

-thinking your funny even though everyone looks at you like you have a cuckoo coming out of your head when you crack a joke.
-your employees all pull the finger at you behind your back (you can get a special mirror to check for this).
-your colleagues 'forget' to invite you to drinks.
-people you know cross the street to avoid you.
-people you don't know cross the street to avoid you.

Things you can do to avoid being a Fucktard:

-THINK before you act!
-Never forget that DOG is watching you
-Imagine a giant Penis, now merge yourself into that image. AND JUST STOP WHAT YOU'RE FUCKING DOING YOU BIG COCK!

There are some fairly basic rules that people should follow, but seldom do. As much as I am not a big old bible basher, the golden rule is as appropriate as it has ever been. Treat people as you would want to be treated yourself. Seriously this is not a hard concept to wrap your head around surely. At the very least you should be able to grasp the fairly simple premise that 'if I go around being a total psycho fucktard to everyone, what motivation do they have to give the smallest crap about being decent to me?'

So, rules:

-If you're in management try to remember that the people under you are still PEOPLE, and that revolution is still a viable form of protest. (there boys, I slagged the management, happy now?)I could get personal here but I'm fighting that part of myself. Let me just say, if you're running the ship never forget that the little people do all the boring crapwork that you don't wanna. Fuck them off enough and guess who gets stuck with it?
-My personal favourite. NO means NO. It doesn't mean 'please feel free to continue pawing at me', it doesn't mean 'Maybe later'. It means NO. It sometimes means FUCK OFF! An addition to this is: Boys are also allowed to say NO.
-GAY is not a term of abuse. Ever.
-Everyone has their own opinions. Discuss them, share them, be proud of them. Just don't expect to change MY mind, because YOU believe it's so.

You know what I could go on forever, but I'd much rather that other people added their own 'rules'.

Wil Wheaton says "Don't be a Dick"

Peace. Out.

(This post was copied across from the facebook notes I used to rant into - your desire to know about burnt fingers may never be satisfied... unless I copy that one over too.)

1 comment:

  1. If you use it, put it back where it came from so that I can find it when I need it.