An Open Letter to my Imaginary Friend....

I'm imagining a bunch of people who have no reason to give a crap about this reading it, and the one person I'd like to read it... not. Life is hilarious.

*Ahem: Addendum and disclaimer. I talk A LOT about communication. I am in fact a communication junkie. Not being able to communicate when I want to is tremendously frustrating to me. 

I just sent a tweet to my favourite celebrity:

Because I am basically incorrigible.

I call him my Imaginary Friend, to assuage my annoyance that this person who I have complicated reasons for enjoying interacting with knows next to nothing about me and is unlikely to ever reciprocate any platonic feelings I have. Bloody annoying. Especially since I really have no justification at all for being annoyed. Look, I also find him pretty sexy, but that's more or less irrelevant. A hell of a lot of why I find him sexy is his mind. It's humanity and intelligence that I find sexy. And a sense of humour. Oh yes, he's quite pretty too, but if he was a dick I wouldn't care about that.

Wil Wheaton. He's a pretty awesome guy.

We should all follow this instruction.

I like lots of actors for a myriad of reasons. I don't usually bother to get in the least perturbed by the non-relationship I have with them. I'm not actually a crazy stalker, though I may occasionally pretend to be one for comedic purpose. I am a terror for a cheap laugh. And sometimes an expensive one. Tony and I have a running joke over he and I not having, not having sex with our respective celebrity "crushes". (that doubled up sentence was not a mistake) - this running conversation goes along these lines:

"I WAS NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIM FIRST!"  "WELL I'M ONLY NOT BEING FRIENDS WITH HIM SO TAKE A CHILL PILL, I'M NOT HAVING SEX WITH THIS OTHER GUY, ALRIGHT?"

The joys of liking a person you know it's ridiculous to even bother liking. Fandom really is a strange thing. Humanity develops connections with people it has no business developing connections with. And occasionally we hope for a fairytale ending that's actually pretty ridiculous, since the celebrities that we attach our affection to are seldom very much like the people we think they are. We think that social media gives us a window into their existence, but it only opens the window to what they want us to see - usually - we still know very little about them as complete people. That's what's making me frustrated in this instance. I find that I'd LIKE to know the whole person, because the window I've been allowed to see through intrigues me. 

Kitty and I went to Armageddon Expo this year, the first Con I've taken her to. I paid for celebrity photos and everything because, what the hell - YOLO*. There was no simple way to decide who I would fork over a frankly stupid amount of money for us to be photographed with (we wanted to do it together - as Mother and Daughter go, we like each others company far too much) Armageddon saved us the trouble by having a double team that made us BOTH happy. Sadly I look like CRAP in the photo - long day, illness playing up quite a bit... but I'd made Karl and Katee laugh just before the shot was taken so WE GOT A GREAT PICTURE...

OMG I have both Katee Sackhoff AND Karl Urban's arms around me. SQUEEE....

But I like these guys in the routine boring "OMG, STARBUCK" kind of way... Actually no, to be fair... Karl is a Kiwi and my relationship with Kiwi celebrities is complex because we Kiwis are a bit odd. He's family in an odd kind of way. I follow quite a few Kiwi *names* on twitter, and I chat to them as normally as I do to people I know personally. I tease David Farrier for the hilarious and adorable dweeb that he is. I openly show John Campbell all the love because he's been a good boy and deserves getting the cousin like friendly pat on the back. And Karl with his slight air of distance and smirk of a man who knows slightly too well how awesome he is...well I told his girlfriend about his early career in TV in New Zealand. Because family occasionally needs to embarrass you back into line. If I'd really been that fucking obsessed with either one of them I'd have made damn sure I was wearing an appropriate fandom shirt. Instead of my very favourite geeky tee. VOTE SAXON. People who have to ask what this is from will be frowned upon. John Simm... I might completely lose my ability to be *cool* about celebrity around him. After all, the geekiest tattoo in the world is on my shoulder, and it's about him. Well, about The Master. But *HIS* Master.

Sexy and he knows it.

But the point of this is about the inability to tell the ones that mean something to you, for whatever reason, that you care about them on some normal level WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE A MAD AS SHIT BUNNY BOILING STALKER TYPE. So I find myself looking at a person that I genuinely want to try to turn into a friend, with no power whatsoever to even TRY to. Oh sure I can be witty, charming, amusingly crazy... all the things that are me. Also arrogant. But those are also all the things that offer zero evidence of my not being an insane fan with a bottle of ether behind my back. And I can't in the least fault any celebrity for not wanting to risk befriending a fan they've never even met, solely on the basis of them occasionally manage to raise a laugh. Funny people can still be insane people.

Insane people can still be friends...

But as I said to my Imaginary Friend, I hate writing fan letters. I've been talked into it twice. Once when I was a teenager and all my stupid friends wanted to write to some jackass and so I HAD TO (something, something best writer something blah blah blah.... little did they know that because I didn't give a crap my *fan* letter was actually pretty... not-fan-y) and then much more recently I was talked into it as a nice gesture to a celebrity who does a hell of a lot of good work.... but again I didn't overly care (I cared that he did good things, I just didn't care about writing to him. I'm not really the ego polishing kind). I like Twitter in a lot of respects, I can send short messages of approval, or derision or flirting or whatever to celebrities and I don't have to feel the vague sensation of nausea I get when I start writing an ego buffing piece.

I know this is how I'd react to fan mail.

The things that I look for in a friend are there in this one. Humanity, intelligence, humour. A great smile. OK the great smile doesn't matter a damn, but Paul's is in a league of it's own. I have no idea exactly what it is that makes me really want to get to know you Paul, but SOMETHING. Some combination of things that makes me see a like soul. M'anama-chara.

So, my sweet, one-sided penpal. Here's the thing. I'd love to meet you, but here I am at the bottom of the world - unlikely to any time soon. Those long conversations losing track of time seem unlikely to occur without an unnatural occurrence. I'd love the opportunity to become proper friends. One day. I'd love for you to follow me. But. I won't pay for it, I won't demand it, I won't even ask for it. I won't suck up to you. Because what would be the point in any of that? I like you, I'd like to try to be friends with you - what I manage to see around the edges of your quite good walls is a guy I think I'd get along with. But it's worth nothing to me to have you follow me for any reason other than because you want to. I hope that one day you'll decide that you like me enough to risk trying to get to know a fan. One can only do what one can do. One will not give in mind you *grin*.

Does this look like the sort of girl who quits?

It's a BEAUTIFUL FEELING

Peace. Out.

* Bahahhahahaha I finally found a reason to use YOLO in a blog!

Operation Sex Change

For the record: I am a boring CIS white female. I was born female I will die female, and I will most likely spend my whole life only interested in men. The wrong men usually. But there is this thing called EMPATHY that Human Beings are supposed to be able to do; do give it a try.

*Disclaimer: I am very far from being an expert, and have only knowledge gained by giving a fuck. Remember, not all transgender folk are even seeking gender reassignment surgery, people come to their own decisions for their own reasons and having a bit of respect for that will make you a better person. I promise.

Gender reassignment has a had a little bit of air time in the last couple of days. Partially because a politician I normally have quite a bit of respect for said a couple of very insensitive and ill considered things. Andrew Little I'm looking at you. It's usually the Nats wearing my abuse but for today you can wear the douchebag crown. I expect better from you. He wasn't the only one, but as I said I expect Nats to be Twats. And a new slogan is born.

I've asked my readers before, to take a trip down Imagination Lane and try to picture what it must be like to wake up every day in the wrong body. To have most of the people around you treat you as if you are what you know you are not. We all need to understand that this is something that is wrong with a person, in exactly the same way that nerve damage is something that is wrong with me. It's possible that the damage is being caused by something that can be fixed surgically. If this is the case then I can have funded surgery to fix my problem, because it's a repairable medical problem that is impairing my quality of life. Sometimes the signals that go on inside our bodies are messed up and they tell us things that aren't true. I have damage on a nerve bundle telling me that my left arm is a screaming pile of agony, as if it is in the midst of a terrible injury all the time. The signals are false, my arm is mostly fine. Oh, except that on top of the pain signals my arm is getting steadily weaker and deader. Fun. The false signal is coming from another part of my body altogether. Somewhere between my brain and my left shoulder there is something messing up the pathway. People happily accept this as being a horrible thing that I shouldn't have to live with. But when the signal that's wrong is affecting our sexual identity, our GENDER, suddenly a lot of people get funny ideas about what it is. And about what taxpayers should be responsible for. We live in a country with a funded health service. Necessary surgery can be had under government health services, for anyone. But a lot of people are arguing the necessity of gender reassignment. Not many EXPERT people mind you. Mostly just busy-bodies who think that because they don't understand something and it squicks them a bit, that somehow makes that thing WRONG. 

I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it is to wake up in a male body while KNOWING I am a female. (or the other way) My brain has no valid comparison to make - because I have all the right body parts despite the fact that a number of them don't work very well. But I can empathise. I know what it is to have an illness. I know what it is to have an illness that few people recognise. I know what it is to have people tell you that you are making it up. Making up the thing that causes me misery every minute of every day. It isn't the same, but it gives me a window to look through. And I'm telling everyone out there who doesn't understand to GET A GRIP. People don't choose to live miserable existences for your attention. That's another illness altogether - and it STILL isn't a choice. Look at your own life, oh lucky unaffected by hardship person... and tell me that you don't choose the path of least resistance more often than not? Tell me that the times when you chose the harder path in life were not ENTIRELY because the other choice went against your sense of being? 

Human Beings. We're very good at being stubborn motherfuckers. But only when the payoff is worth it. We'll only tolerate the intolerable when to do otherwise is WORSE. This above all else, to thine own self be true! (Thanks Shakespeare, you the man.) For many of us, being untrue to ourselves is intolerable. I can't keep my mouth shut in the face of douchebaggery for example. I really can't. It makes me feel bad about myself to ignore people being stupid cunts to each other. It makes me feel bad about humanity to just let it slide. (Obviously I can't respond to literally EVERY example of stupid cunt douchebaggery, but I make an effort.) This is part of who I am and it would be uncomfortable for me to have to pretend to be otherwise. And you, you douchebags in your glasshouses, you would be very uncomfortable if you were not being stupid cunts to people I suspect. But to be perfectly frank I don't give a rats arse how you feel about it, because you are being stupid cunts to other humans. When you learn not to be doucheholes about your opinions I'll listen.

Back to the transgender equation: because here in New Zealand we currently have a HUGE problem. Until last year we had ONE, yes just one, surgeon who could perform sex change operations. As part of a team of 3 surgeons they carried these out, to both paying customers - some from overseas, and also just 3 male to female government funded operations per year (1 female to male per year is carried out overseas under government funding). But then our ONE surgeon retired. Leaving us with NONE, for everyone who can do basic maths. And a debate over whether anyone should worry about this has begun. Should this be funded like so many other surgeries are in New Zealand? YES. A lot of people appear to be raising the 'it's a want, not a need flag' well let's talk about that a bit shall we? Why are you defining it as want rather than need and what goes on your need list? (Rhetorical)
Is my surgery to fix the nerves in my arm a need? The government thinks so, and so do the majority of people who know about my situation. I'm in pain all day every day. It seems obvious that to remove a source of constant pain is a need. Right? But is my physical pain any more demanding on me than constant emotional torment? I've been through a fair bit of emotional torment in my life too, and I can assure you that physical pain is considerably easier to live with. You get used to it, you learn to push it aside. It's annoying and intrusive, but it won't actually kill me. Emotional pain might. Because emotional pain eats away at your self image, eats away at your self worth, eats away at your trust in everyone around you. Until you think that you have no place in the world anymore. I have been there. It's a hell of a place to try to fight your way back up from. And if you cannot at least a little bit imagine the pain of your outside gender not matching the person you know yourself to be, then please, feel free to fuck off to the planet of the robots.
I think much of the issue hails back to the ongoing inability of so very many people to see that problems that live in the mind are REAL ACTUAL PROBLEMS. Perhaps I can shine a light down that rabbit hole. Mental illnesses, and all conditions of the mind STILL HAVE PHYSICAL CAUSES. There is still a basically mechanical fault at play even when appearances are that your brain is simply being a massive massive douche. Douglas Adams, author of that wildly popular series The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, drops the idea in one of those books that ... if someone thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give them a mirror and a picture of a hedgehog and let them sort it out ... obviously it's nowhere near that simple or we wouldn't have hospitals full of people who think they are all kinds of strange things. Like worthless. The mind is an unbelievably complicated device, try figuring out the physics that goes into the act of catching a ball sometime. It'll do your head in - unless you're a science-y type obviously. But the comparison between how it feels to catch a ball (for most of us) and the actual math of catching a ball is a valid metaphor for trying to fix issues of the mind. It's like trying to make ice cubes by freezing your hands and trying to mold them out of water. Not aided by us still having only a fairly vague idea of HOW to fix it. It's becoming apparent to me that the current methodology of throw a lot of pills at it and hope for the best, interspersed with one size fits all therapy techniques is not really working. Mental health issues continue to plague our society at a hell of a rate of knots. For a start the more and more pervasive medical attitude that EVERYONE who has odd health issues is DEPRESSED is not helping. If you start from the assumption that someone is depressed you are a) unlikely to bother examining them further to look for other possibilities and b) potentially giving people utterly the wrong medication. Not to mention c) alienating a lot of patients who don't feel like they are being understood.
Is Gender Misalignment even a mental illness? We don't really know - perhaps it really is a straight forward as it sounds and you have been provided with an incorrect body type. Nature has all kinds of screw ups, is that really so far fetched? Is it more unusual than Conjoined Twins? More odd than Chimerism? Could it be a form of Chimerism? And in the short term, what the fuck difference does it make? If we can make a person's life better by operating then just the fuck DO IT.
What is the definition of need, where surgery is concerned? If we're only going to fund things in this country based on REAL ACTUAL NEED then my surgery (assuming that's what they decide) should probably be off the table. I've live. I'll be fucking miserable, pretty much useless and a burden. But I'll live. And a lot of other folk can come off the surgical roster too. That hip replacement? Fuck you, live with it. Reattaching the limb you just severed? Fuck off, your stupid fault for sticking your hand somewhere dumb. Reality is, the need you all mean is 'need that fits in with my view of the world' but I'm not interested in your opinion here, I'm interested in what medical science has to say. And medical science is more and more clear every day that people are suffering because they are not what they should be, and that we can and should fix this. In this country because of the way our medical service is set up this means funding surgeries sometimes. Get over it. Given that transgender is unlikely to be an issue that insurers are going to be keen to pick up without being shoved into it (not because it's unreasonable but because insurers are bastards and will wriggle out of anything) AND SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A COSMETIC PROCEDURE, we have to make the moral and scientific decision that we government fund these surgeries BECAUSE they will improve the lives of people who are suffering for MEDICAL REASONS. People don't want to change their gender on a fucking WHIM. Seriously what sort of ignorant dumbass even entertains that idea? The smallest bit of research into the hoops people have to jump through to just be APPROVED for gender reassignment should take that utterly facile idea right off the table. NO ONE is going to go through the lengthy, terrifying, and totally life altering process of going from one gender to another for LARKS. It's so patently obviously a NEED situation that I have to wonder if perhaps the people who think it isn't are in need of some form of help themselves.

We either need to get a new surgeon (or you know MORE THAN ONE) into New Zealand, or we need to accept the cost of sending our patients to reputable facilities overseas. We need to suck it up and do the right thing, for people who need our help. But I guess this is just another thing that we're going to let slide, as waiting lists get longer and longer (or get fake shorter by the exciting new technique of declaring that we can only have 4 months worth of people on the list at a time...and when those lists get overloaded what will the new number be...) as diagnosis becomes less about actually getting it right and more about not paying for extra testing, as your chances of seeing a specialist become more and more remote... BECAUSE FUCK YOU SICK AND POOR PERSON, if you can't afford to go private why don't you just die quietly?

Peace. Out.

Post Feminist Dystopia or some crap

*contains swearing and rage, images may offend. They certainly made me pretty cross.

My daughter brought to my attention a wild flailing *discussion* of feminism on a local event page... I went to look at it with some trepidation because when I'm not already angry I can usually manage to remember NOT TO READ THE COMMENTS. But she was right, this was worth my attention, though I only made it through maybe half of it before my eye started twitching and I was forced to have a quiet sit down and some tea. PEOPLE ARE STUPID FUCKING DOUCHEBAGS.

I am a feminist. Or as I've mentioned before an everything-ist, but for the sake of today's outburst, I AM A FEMINIST. I am not a *feminazi* and though I grasp where people are coming from with that term I wish they would LEAVE IT OUT. Because this kind of thing shouldn't be identified by its extremists. Every group has its extremists. Can we just call them extremists and not give them special powers by granting them a magic title? I don't like feminist extremists either. I think they are performing a hatchet job on the movement, just like all the other extremists do. They undermine the ability to get anything FUCKING DONE. 

So here I was, on a facebook event page, approaching with caution. The first few entries seemed OK... Then... BAM. I knew before I even started reading the comments on it, that I'd found the entry that had raised my girl's concerns. Because as relatively benign as the initial entry was I could see it was going to both polarise people AND bring the crazies out of the closet. On both sides. 

Let's wade in. What's the difference between a man in public with no shirt, and a woman in public with no shirt? To be clear, nipples out boys and girls. IS there something inherently different about a woman's chest that makes it sensible that the law tends to not give a fuck that the guys has his shirt off but will arrest the woman for indecent exposure? This was where this one started off. If you can't already picture where it's going then you are probably already further from the middle of the argument than I like to be. I don't even care about the initial argument. It took about three seconds for this to turn into RABID feminist extremist versus RABID anti-feminist extremist, and when a bit further along a fucking MRA joined in it was all just doomed. Right. I'll slap myself now. I PROBABLY shouldn't say fucking MRA - some of the points the less extreme versions make are quite valid. MRA for those of you late to the party stands for Men's Rights Activist. And because to an awful lot of people, the very idea that men actually need a rights movement for their very own is pretty ridiculous, they very much START at the rabid end of the scale. The non-rabid ones call themselves humanists, or equalists or something that doesn't sound like big crying babies. Yeah, OK I have a problem with the men's rights activists. Here's the first thing this one posted. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

*FYI: This appears to actually have little if anything to do with Dr. Kimmel. The quote is his, nothing else is as far as I can tell. The only *source* I've been able to find for it is a dubious looking website that posts any old crap. But as you can imagine, douchebags gonna douche...

The text is quite tiny, I'll elucidate for funsies. It's a list. Of things that apparently women have as privilege over men. Some of them while technically accurate, it would be hard to call actual privilege. "Women live longer"... yup that's right we do, on average, live longer. What's your point? "Less work-related injuries"... also true. That this is at least partially because we are limited in the jobs that people will give us is irrelevant, apparently. 

One of my personal favs... "Emotional encouragement"... wait, what? Isn't that, that stuff that you tell us is bullcrap? Isn't that, that thing you throw in our faces when we cry during an argument? Isn't that, that thing you tell us boys need a Father figure for so they can AVOID it? I totally WANT men to be raised with emotional encouragement and support. You have no idea. I PREFER men who are in touch with their emotions. Men who are all fucking locked up inside are HARD WORK. And I DO work at it. I've been unlocking men's feelings for all of my adult life. Or trying to anyway. Friends and lovers. Because it's fucking tedious trying to communicate openly with someone who doesn't show you what they feel. 

I'm pretty fond of "Less often admonished by teachers" as well. Because boys are raised to be wolves. Women are raised to not stand up for themselves, to not be rude, to be NICE. That that happens to benefit us during school is pretty fucking irrelevant when I can't convince my boss to pay me the same wage as the douche in the next office. 

There are things on this list that I agree with. "Men don't get a fair deal in family court". (though not for the reasons this douchebag brought up) Women are almost always given custody of the kids. Basically, the mother has to be verifiably fucked up to not get custody. Even when it makes more sense for the kids to go with Dad. 

The massive toolbox who brought this list up seems to be not from NZ (I mention this because the rest of his ranting about family court stuff was utterly not NZ-y) - which is interesting because this was an NZ event and he clearly came looking for a fight. He's probably friends with the less crazy extremist I guess. I'd hate to think he just cruises the internet looking for these arguments. Though I know some people do. Some of what's on the list isn't really relevant to NZ... so I'll choose to ignore it.  

"Draft immunity"... well, I do disagree with it. But as long as the Armed Forces are still clinging to the concept of no women in battle this is unlikely to change. Not to mention there's a biological reason for it - NO I DON'T MEAN WOMEN ARE TOO WIMPY FOR WAR - I mean, if you kill off 80% of the most viable men, the population can still recover reasonably because WOMEN HAVE BABIES. If you kill off 80% of the viable women you are in real trouble. To put that utterly bluntly. The spoodge from one guy can make many women pregnant. The uterus from one woman cannot carry many babies. At least not at once. This is one of those inequities that is probably going to have to wait for science to catch up before we can fix it. When we can grow babies entirely without using lady bodies we'll all fight together. I'm pretty sure all the babies in jars stuff is going to raise some really LOUD religious arguments. But I'll be happy to yell about that too. And we all get to have lots and lots and lots of sexy times unhampered by damned inconvenient pregnancies. WOOHOO. And who said women don't really like sexy times? I didn't give it up because I didn't like it - it was the other stuff that was breaking me apart. 

But a lot of that list is just BOLLOCKS. It's made up BS that actually has more to do with women not being treated as equals than it does with anything else. If you actually look at each thing a large portion of them are bad rewrites of things we want to change BECAUSE; FEMINISM. BECAUSE; EQUALITY. "Expected to take an easier job" That sounds like a BAD thing to me. I don't want an easier job. I want a challenging job. I want an exciting job. 

"Hypergamy" WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Did this thing ACTUALLY just use a big word to call us GOLD DIGGERS? Mother fucking hell. I literally CAN NOT. If I even start on this one I will be here all day and be swearing even more than I usually do. So I will limit myself to just saying FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON. 

But look the madness doesn't all come from one side. Or does it? Because I sincerely hope that this next piece is a douche of a man pretending to be a BATSHIT CRAZY woman. BATSHIT. CRAZY. You can't have a Tumblr page called "Castrate All Men" and not be certifiable. Thanks for not helping the cause in anyway you insane bitch. This was posted by the same muppet MRA who posted the list. Because he was "proving" that feminists are mental. 

This is *totes* bizarre. And I am anything but OK with it. The suggestion that someone who TRIGGERS your memories of an assault is also assaulting you is just SO. MUCH. BULLSHIT. I've had to read through a number of posts on this horrible Tumblr to just assure myself that if it is a fake account or "satire" or something it's very very weirdly done. It appears legit. Which makes me want to throw up a bit. Because this wasn't even the craziest thing in there. Don't go looking, just take my word for it. BATSHIT. 

OK IF, maybe IF someone triggered you ON PURPOSE there is a case for some form of crime - I'm not sure what it would technically be, but I can see the case there. But what she describes here is so much bullshit I'm surprised she could dig her way out of it. WTF? BATSHIT. This is the sort of mad ass Misandrist who is completely fucking up equality for everyone. Because who the fuck can take this seriously? And because douchenozzles like the MRA dude will try to tar us all with the same brush. 

For everyone's sake, ladies try to stay sane in your search for equality. Asking for more than equal is douchery. Asking for the systematic dismantling of the male of the species is completely BATSHIT. I don't hate men. Most of my best friends are men. I'm looking for equality here, not some crazy feminist dystopia. I have suspicions that a Matriarchy might be a nice thing to try. But it might turn out to be just as stupid and fucked up as Patriarchy. Can we just run things together? Please? 

Because all this stupid fighting about it achieves very little. But feminists can't stop fighting yet because we haven't achieved equality yet. We've made some big steps. And there are a lot of brilliant, fantastic men on board. Men who see the insidious sexism that goes on every day and want to HELP, want to step up and make it right. AND I LOVE THEM. But then there's the pile of disenfranchised men, who feel like they've lost something AND IT ISN'T FAIR. I'm sorry guys, but what you had before wasn't fair. We're working on fair - and to be completely honest about it, some of you ARE going to suffer for it. Because women are going to be applying for the same jobs as you, and some of them are going to be BETTER than you, but that's actually FAIR. So suck it up and accept it the way you have to when another man gets the job ahead of you. Because it's the same thing. 

Like so many other bigots, you're a dying breed. This is no kind of threat, it's just attrition. The next generation is less douchebaggy about all manner of inequalities. And I love them for it. Each passing generation is an improvement over the last. Like it or not we will achieve equality. Thanks to the kids. 

Peace. Out.

Adorable MRA's and some HOPE for the future.

*Some swearing, a lot of mockery. Shorter than usual, because really these people are too funny to take seriously.

Men's Rights Activists. Aren't they cute? Isn't it just lovely that they're standing up for the long forgotten and hard persecuted rights of white middle-class men. The hardest done by of all the menfolk. NOBODY CARES WHAT THEY WANT. And they want it all. Because they used to have it all, and how dare we want our share? I mean really how dare we? The very idea that we might look at them lording their privilege and think, you know what I WANT ME SOME OF THAT. As if we have some GOD GIVEN RIGHT. Is that part of the problem? God given? I wonder, merely because the bible is chock full of that bullshit. And while there is literally NO WAY in which a legitimate to the location and times bible could have been written about WHITE men, isn't it funny how they've appropriated it? If the Witch floats, burn her. 

To be fair... it isn't just white men. But they tend to be the loudest, because they have so much more reason to be savagely douchebaggy about the whole thing. Wait, what? Savagely douchebaggy you say? Surely NO ONE has any reason to behave like a complete tool because mommy is trying to take their toys away? Unless they're 3 years old and don't understand the concept of equitable distribution... I'm just going to leave that hanging there.

Right now they have their frilly underwear in a twist about the new Mad Max film apparently. Because it DARES to a have female characters that aren't dependent on male superiority for their existence. The very idea. I'm beginning to suspect that these guys have no women in their lives. Which is understandable when you think about it, I mean I'd cross the street to avoid them. Though there is a part of me that appreciates them speaking up so clearly. So I know who not to fuck. Not to mention that really extreme douchebaggery just makes them look like fatheads.

Among the *brilliant* (for brilliant read facile) arguments I've read (not from Aaron Clarey, who appears to be the beginning of the whatever the fuck this is) was the ever popular 'Men are stronger than women so it's totally not realistic to show women beating the snot out of men'. You should probably tell that to the guy who jumped me late at night many many years ago. So what you're saying is that ALL men are stronger than ALL women? Because NO. Not to mention the other side of that coin where women TEND to be more agile and flexible. Men and women have different skill sets as a general rule. This doesn't actually mean that one is less able than the other, just that they will bring a different combination of awesome to the table. I've lost the use of one of my arms. I can still kick you in the face while you're standing behind me. Different skills. 

I'd love to tear the entire 'Mad Max is bad m'kay' argument to shreds but there's a problem with that. It's primarily 'feminism waah waah poor us, we don't want to give you any of our toys' BS so there is fuck all to actually pull apart. Seriously. Please go and read it. Everyone should go and read it, it's good for a laugh. 

Here's the primary offender. For funsies. I sure as hell wouldn't fuck him. 

For extra funsies I'll yank apart some of my favourite lines. 

"Nobody barks orders to Mad Max"

OH DO FUCK OFF. Do I need to come over and shout at you for a bit? You take orders from the person who's in charge. That's how it works. The person in charge is the person who's most capable in any given situation. Mad Max is a fucking head case. He's not suited to be in charge of opening a tin of beans. If you put him in charge, people die. He is very good at getting certain things done. Small objectives. He is a classic Fucking Bastard Sergeant. He is Sergeant Major Shut Up from It Ain't Half Hot Mum. He'll get the assignment done, every time. He may came back with a lot fewer men. Also the audience may get a laugh out of it.

"Fury Road was not going to be a movie made for men. It was going to be a feminist piece of propaganda posing as a guy flick."

Or it's an action movie that happens to centre around a female hero. OMG. Is your penis really so insecure that you can't cope with this concept? This descendant of Boadicea (probably, I AM British) has a thing or two to say about this. I've been a hero a few times. I've saved a couple of lives. I've been the one jumping in front of danger to protect others. My vagina didn't not spontaneously morph into a penis for the occasion. I did not have to tell myself to man up or grow some balls. Me and my girl parts leapt in and did just fine. Boobs and all. Heroism is not solely the territory of nutsacks. I'll tell you what fella, why don't you try Boxing Up Mate? You might learn something. Get some tits. 

Which drags me into another area.

I'm not a fan of all the terms for courage being man-centric. A friend threw the term "Box Up M8" at me the other day, and for ever more I shall be throwing it at anyone who throws any "Man Up" type term at me. Because cunts are pretty hardcore. 

Actually, while we're on the subject... Cunt is an interesting anomaly to me in the wildcard abuse zone. It's used in so many contexts. At once one of the most vilest pieces of abuse and at the same time sometimes used in a very different context. "He's a good cunt" I'm not even sure what the fuck that is meant to imply, but it mostly seems to be used in a fairly positive spin. "He's a hard cunt" again, a little shy of knowing what the fuck they want to convey but seems to be suggestive of someone being extra staunch. You might have noticed something here. They are both directed at men. I've never ever heard cunt used in a positive light towards a women. Which I find fascinating. As an amateur linguist I find all muddling of languages fascinating. It's one of those words I'd like to see us take back and turn into something positive. Like Slut. The kids are working on that one my daughter assures me. And it will be the kids who make the change. It always is. So kids, keep up the good work on being open-minded about ALL THE THINGS. I see great things for the future as long as you keep stomping on all the bigoted rubbish in the world. Keep caring about stuff kids. Save the Whales, like we haven't. Bring Peace. Like we didn't. Have equal rights, like we're kinda working on but some of us are total crap at. It is with joy that I look at polls segregated into age groups and see that you are so much BETTER than us at accepting equality. For everyone. Please for the love of everything that I hold dear. DON'T GROW OUT OF IT. 

With love, from the generation that tried and sorta failed a bit. At least we're trying. Take the baton and hold it high. I have faith in you. 

Peace. Out.

Hi John, I notice you still haven't akshully apologised.

After an all inclusive twitter poll of one person, it has been decided that the politician who most needs me to take the piss out of them is STILL John Key. I can't say as I'm surprised by this result.

It comes as little surprise to anyone in New Zealand that our Reptilian Overlord has maintained his stance of MAKE EXCUSES BUT DON'T APOLOGISE over the ponytail pulling palaver. OMG we have to start calling it that at once! PONYTAIL PULLING PALAVER. Get on that Foxy.

Addendum: THE LADY WORKS FAST!!

Anyway, I'd like to take a brief opportunity to refute some things regarding your hair fetish exploits.

*I have not made my office a laughing stock* - Trust me, you have. TwitterNZ is currently bonding furiously over hilarious hair gags (oh snap, there's another one - Foxy, ponytail gag cartoon at once, you could get a big hair tie in there and make it a ballgag). The whole world is watching and we have little choice but to be the first to make the jokes. It's too embarrassing to wait for them to do it.

*I take responsibility for my own actions* - Well, go ahead then... Oh I see, you think you already have. What a muppet you are. At some point you might have to akshully make an effort to understand what it was you did that has people so annoyed and, you know, apologise for it. I know you think two tacky bottles of plonk and a vague 'sorry I didn't realise you were upset' has fixed everything. But you see, you actually fucked up quite a bit here and at some point it might be nice to hear you say it in a way that makes it sound like you get that. "I'm sorry, she's an attractive girl and I got a bit stupid in her presence. I apologise without reserve to Amanda for hitting on her in such a totally inappropriate and bullying way. I apologise to my wife for disrespecting her so utterly. I apologise to my country for making it look like we're all a pack a backwards Neanderthals who need a refresher course in appropriate behaviour." Something along those lines.

*Denying it was sexism because you COULD have done it to a man* - But you didn't, did you? It wasn't this time, or the several other times you've been caught playing with ponytails. I'd hazard a guess you like blonds too. But I'm game to see this one through. How about I take you to a few random places and we see how you go tugging a strange mans locks. Just for funsies. I'm suspicious that it won't be as funsies for you as it once was. We can even pick little guys if you like. Exactly how stupid do you think the entire country is? I mean obviously you have legit cause to think quite a few of us are gullible twats, or you wouldn't even be in this position. But surely you've noticed that not all of us fall for it.

*Clearly I've misread the situation* - NO SHIT SHERLOCK. You 'misread' a situation a 10 year old could have explained to you.

*It was really meant in good humour and nothing else* - I'm not even going to start on how much bullshit I think that is. Let's just go with, I don't actually care how you meant it, it was facile, it was rude and it was incredibly stupid. Get that through your head and we'll be getting somewhere.

*...those strengths have been a sort of casualness...* - I don't really want a casual Prime Minister. I don't want a guy who's joking around with the lads like some kind of fuckwit rugbyhead. I want a Prime Minister who remembers his place, and remembers his country. I'm cool with a Prime Minister who says Hi instead of Hello when he's wandering around on a local junket. But I'm not cool with a twat who is constantly making inappropriate jokes during question time and thinks he can get away with taking liberties in public. You come of like a crass, insensitive douchebag to so many of us. And it is genuinely EMBARRASSING. 

You don't think anyone was embarrassed? Well we bloody are. Honestly, it's pathetic and it reflects on the whole country. A Womble of a Prime Minister who can't even manage basic schoolyard etiquette? Of course it's bloody embarrassing. I'm not joking about the getting to the punchline first stuff earlier. It's make the jokes, laugh at the jokes or have to cry quietly about them. Jesus, we elected you. Well I didn't, but as a whole the country did, and here you are making fool moves like this. OF COURSE WE'RE EMBARRASSED you wally. It's not as if it's the first time and I'm certain it won't be the last. 

Peace. Out.

You make one innocent comment...

...and then tell some interfering douchebag to fuck off...

AND THE WHOLE INTERNET EXPLODES IN YOUR FACE. OK like 4 guys, but it felt pretty... Nope not even that. It was a pointless argument, but it brings up a relevant point.

*Almost no swearing at all!! Some science, in a dumbed down kind of way. Because big words are for other blogs. 

Belief. And Faith actually, but less so because Faith is so much more obvious in it's intransigence. More importantly then, Belief (with a capital B) as it relates to not believing. Atheism and Agnosticism. Of which I am one, it will become obvious WHICH one shortly.

Someone with a huge following made this statement (DISCLAIMER: at the time he was asking people for philosophical discussion so I was not just being a dickbag in bringing up my dissension): "We're ALL agnostic as no one KNOWS any gods exist. The Faithful BELIEVE anyway. Athiests don't believe because there is no evidence" I couldn't entirely agree, or in fact at all really. But my main problem was: Agnosticism is about not believing in any God, for lack of evidence - it's also about not believing that there ISN'T a God for exactly the same reason. Is it part of a system of beliefs? Debatable. I think it is, though as a borderline thing. It's about beliefs rather than being sunk in them like other belief systems. But on the other side of the coin, believing or disbelieving in a God is STRICTLY about belief, so from my perspective if you are a Theist or an Atheist you cannot be an Agnostic. Quod erat demonstrandum. Sort of thing. If you look at it from outside the belief network and judge Agnosticism as SOLELY the 'fact' of the lack of any knowledge to prove or disprove the existence of God, then I can nearly see Quoters point. Nearly. And I only shy away from it because I think it's rubbish. I am an Agnostic (there we go). I have no evidence for the existence or non existence of God. I strongly suspect that there is no God, but I accept that this is quite possibly just a combination of my general skepticism, misanthropy and distrust. I am not built for Faith. I am built for SCIENCE. Science tells me I cannot make a judgement call on this one. And I don't have the bullheadedness to declare that I simply don't believe in God. I'm not a fence sitter because I'm scared it might turn out that there is a God, I'm not a fence sitter to avoid arguments (D'uh). And I'm not a fence sitter out of laziness. I'm a fence sitter because it is the correct place for me to be. Lack of proof either way is sufficient to keep me on the fence. The only point at which I can nearly take up Quoters flag is that, I continue to sit in the middle of the fence despite a slight personal preference for the edge. 

Quoters attitude is that to NOT be an Agnostic requires proof, my problem with this is the assumption that belief has anything at all to do with facts. It just doesn't. Get over the idea that we are ever going to have a logical fact based discussion about religion, because it is NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. People become far too emotional when you start jerking the chain of their religion. Even Atheists. Even Agnostics, which I find very weird - even as I was getting mad as a cut snake (to be fair I was mad at perceived numbnuttery rather than at an attack on Agnosticism, which didn't exist). The idea being that we are all agnostics (because there is no proof) and then add our own flavour of belief on top of that. Sadly Agnosticism is no more a fact than any of the other ideas people have about religion. I have more than enough of a sciencey brain to understand that a lack of evidence is not strictly a definitive lack of evidence. It's a perceived lack of evidence. In days to come we may find evidence in things that are staring us in the face right now, in days further along we may prove that that evidence is complete rubbish. SCIENCE, IT'S FUCKING GREAT. This is why even the things that we think of as FACTS are still called theories in science. Because we just never know when that bastard Hawking is going to disprove the bloody lot of it. The sun will very likely rise tomorrow. I'm prepared to buy sunscreen on this basis. Will it also one day go boom and make sunscreen an outmoded concept? Also very likely. Do we know when? Not really. We have some educated guesses, but it's mostly shot in the dark material. Chances are the sun is going to continue to rise everyday until long passed the point where man has to worry about it. Or it'll come up tomorrow and then give us all the worst sunburn ever. Or the universe will beat it to the big FOOM and therefore the sun will not technically have died at all but rather have been murdered in the easiest to solve mystery ever. 

It's very difficult to put this concept across, which is probably some of where Quoters problem also lay. He's a smart guy whom I have enormous respect for. I can see his point, I can see my point. Write either of them down so I don't sound strange in the head... less easy. I am an agnostic. If you tell me to then add my flavour on top... I AM AN AGNOSTIC FLAVOURED AGNOSTIC. I'm starting to sound weird again. I'm going to phrase this in terms of belief. I am an agnostic. I believe that there are insufficient facts for me to make a decision on the existence or non existence of God. I have many friends who join me on this page. I have quite a few friends that are on the Atheist page, and I'm fine with that. My assumption is that they have decided that the lack of evidence either way inclines them to believe that there is no God. That's cool, I can see that as reasonable. I have a much smaller number of friends who are Theists. I assume they have chosen to see the myriad of wonder in the universe and believe in a higher powers hand behind it. Also cool. I can also see that as reasonable. Saints preserve us I think I didn't do to badly defining that lot. (Sorry.)

Religion; it's what you do with it that matters. It's not inherently a good thing or a bad thing, humans take care of that part. Because quite a few of us are dicks. Atheists and Agnostics are not exempt from being dicks here either, it's still sort of a religion. And dicks are everywhere. Theist Religion currently seems to have a stranglehold on dickishness, but that's really just because it's had a head start. Atheists are catching up on the loud and annoying front. And should any country ever declare itself an Atheist or Agnostic state I'm sure they'll dick it up just as much as everyone else does. (Note; an Atheist or Agnostic state is DIFFERENT from a secular state.) If you ask me what I believe in the most, I'll tell you that it's that humanity is capable of being considerably better than it most often is. There is so much BULLSHIT in this world that could end if humans could put aside their selfish greed. If we let compassion guide our actions in all things. The right thing isn't always the best thing, but the wrong thing never is. 

Peace. Out.

Truth in advertising

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.

I've been thinking a bit recently, about taking topics slightly more seriously - not that I don't take my rabid approach to free speech fairly seriously, but I have frequently made jokes about my slackness in research. I'm too lazy to bother most of the time. And most of the time it doesn't really matter for a number of reasons.

Like I have actually SEEN the research, I just can't be assed relocating it.

Or my opinion isn't worth a sack of shit anyway, so whatever.

But my readership is slowly climbing. And I feel like I might have to seriously consider bothering to have numbers to back up some of my more outrageous assertions. And, you know, check the dates on fucking news articles once in a while. Which is actually where todays soul search started, as someone I have a lot of respect for posted an article that was more than a year old without checking current facts - which don't stack up to it. I can't even be mad, because I do it all the time.

I'm going to try not to do things like that anymore. And for fucks sake people PULL ME UP IF YOU CATCH ME OUT. Be aware the majority of my readers stem from either Facebook or Twitter, if you've come from somewhere else, don't feel like a silent voice. I even remember to check Google+ occasionally.

This won't slow down production all that much, or at all really - I write on an utterly random schedule anyway, and what with being practically bedridden a lot of the time, research isn't exactly going to put me out. It won't slow my swearing down at all either, so pretty much fuck you if you thought it would *wink*.

Peace. Out.

Hypocrisy, hypocrisy, all is hypocrisy

*Quite a lot about me. Quite sexually oriented, though not so bad that Kitty needs to stay the hell out of it. Less swearing.

So, I'm a bit of a slapper. Verbally at least. It's not a secret, I'm an incorrigible flirt with a filthy filthy mouth. 

And sometimes people call me out on it, probably not unjustifiably - because I'll bitch and moan about the asshole in the Holden, that yells out "hey, wanna fuck" at me or worse AT MY DAUGHTER (seriously guys, don't do that - I have rage control issues). But then I catch myself saying things like "And I swear it's not just because I want in John Simms pants". 

Is there really a difference? Is the douche in the hood car any more serious or disgusting than I'm being? I know I'm not really being serious, I know that if I actually MET John Simm I would be nothing but polite, ok probably somewhat gushy and maybe even flirty but that's really just ME. I would certainly not actually be trying to get into his pants. Even if he is competely Lush. But that's the thing isn't it - John Simm doesn't know that I'm being less serious than the douche in the hood car, and worse he doesn't get any say because he'll probably never know I said it. Wait is that worse? I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE.

Recently Kit Harrington (Jon Snow - GoT) spoke out about how it squicked him being sexually objectified by fans - and he got shouted down for it, by hordes of women in a righteous fury that he had "no idea what it was really like to be sexually objectified". Didn't he? He gets pretty damned objectified. I've heard girls talking about Jon Snow as if the cunnilingus scene was the only actual thing he did. Others talking about shirtless scenes as if he has no value with his clothes on. Yes women take this crap a lot more regularly, but that doesn't invalidate his experiences. In some ways I really think he should have been allowed to have his say, entirely: because male actors more than any other male group DO get a lot of sexual crap. A lot of it very much the same as the shit I put up with on the street every fucking day. Perhaps men understanding that guys don't bloody like it either will bridge some of the gap between this bullshit attitude of "it's just a compliment, why do you have to get so fucking uptight about it?" and "JESUS FUCKING WEPT WHY DON'T YOU JUST UNDERSTAND THAT WE DON'T LIKE IT AND SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY???". 

I don't have a major problem with wolf whistles from building sites - though I fully understand women who do. I do mind if the same builders start yelling things. No matter how fucking "complimentary" they think they're being. I'm not sure why "nice tits love" is even supposed to be overly complimentary. Possibly I'm at a loss because I find the contents of your brain a lot more interesting than the contents of your pants. Though the contents of your brain may increase my interest in the contents of your pants. What can I say, I'm complicated. I guess it's a bit hard to shout "fucking sexy cerebellum girl" when you've never exchanged words. I think there's a large gap between someone I know at least a bit telling me I look sexy and a douche on the street telling me he wants to fuck me. Which is seriously revolting by the way guys. Never do it. The only bonus it has as far as I'm concerned is it legitimately identifies people that I literally never want to have sex with. It's like random drunks in bars telling me how huge their cock is. Thanks I don't need to see it now. 

I guess that's the other interesting thing about me and attraction to random celebrities I've never met. It's not random. There's a distinct pattern of; person whos' looks catch my attention, who I then become interested in knowing better so I watch interviews and such, then as I get a feel for their innate humanity and their intellect some of them become spectacularly attractive to me. Paul Blackthorne, current unlucky celeb of my heart, captured my attention first for his thoroughly excellent performances. Then after following him on twitter and Facebook I started getting a picture of his decency and basic niceness, and as I started to make jokes that he responded to, I started to get a picture of a mind I liked. THAT IS SO FUCKING HOT. Seriously, someone I could walk for miles with without noticing the miles because we were so engrossed in conversation? Jesus I could take that home and screw it senseless for the rest of it's natural life. Sorry. Sorry. DID I just shout "nice boots, wanna fuck"* out of the window of my fully restored Triumph Stag at you? Sorry. I'm still trying to establish lines in my head here. Also I'm not good at lines.

I guess what I'm saying is that I need to have the sense of someones personality before I start saying flirty outrages like that. I feel vaguely bad about the lovely Mr Simm because I know that he struggles with the attention of fans, and I'm sure he would turn 17 shades of red to hear this random slapper-fan talking about him like that. Sigh, he'd probably be just as weirded out by this fan saying that I'd love to get inside his brain. Shy actors. WTF even is that? 

Mr Blackthorne I feel less remorse over, and he's brought it on himself the little menace. I mean it buster - if you don't like me shamelessly flirting at you then favouriting those tweets is possibly a mistake. Haven't quite figured out if my interest in the contents of his brain is more or less disturbing to this one - working on it. I'LL MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOU IF IT BLOODY KILLS ME MATEY BOY. 

Even when I was a teenager, back in the dawn of time, I didn't really understand my friends getting all warm and wet over these basically random people. I would find myself interested in people that NONE of them cared a jot about, because they were interesting people. I've always lived inside my head, I guess I've just always been looking for someone who can get in there with me. Guys keep failing me in this area. Even the bloody intellectual for Christ sakes, and why? Because he was too fucking busy inside his own goddamn head. HOW FUCKING UNREASONABLE. To be fair he appears to still be fairly stuck inside his own head so it was never something we were going to be able to iron out. (That was faux-bitterness by the way, just in case you're reading this silly. Being able to recognise my humour was not one of your strong suits either.) 

When I was 17 I went to the first concert I was allowed to go to sans parents. Crowded House. I love those guys. I loved them then, still love them now. Why did I love them then? Initially because the lyrics spoke to me, as odd as they often were. Also they could actually play their instruments, which made for a charming change from many of the noise polluters available. After the show, I was stink hot and very anti social, because I had been pressed up against the speaker banks by morons for most of the evening. So I waited for the town hall to clear and jumped up on the edge of the stage to take a rest before going out into the milling crowd again. Which is about when the bassist came out to get something. Nick Seymour. He stopped and chatted to me for a bit. I guess a short skinny 17 year old isn't an overly threatening sight. I went from thinking they were a cool band to being head over heels for the bassist in ten minutes. He was an artist and a shy comedian. How could I not love him? From here comes my love of the bass guitar. My friends probably thought I was completely mad, but at least I was drooling over a musician like a proper teenager. The friend I went to the concert with was ready to kill me, because she went to the loo while I had my breather and MISSED THE WHOLE THING. 

Anyway, back on task - the point of talking about high school was that, scrubbers that we were (I'm lying we were those awful nice girls) we never really talked about the objects of our affections in crass sexual terms. A bit of quiet tittering about snogging was about as rough as it gets. But I hear my daughters friends and I wonder - were we just painfully backward and the other girls were talking about Simon LeBon's knob or are teenagers today a lot more open about their naughty fantasies? I'd go and ask the other girls from high school but they were mostly bitches and I have gratefully lost contact with them. I suspect the later. Kitty and her mates seem to have a lot more frankness about them than I remember from those awkward years. Thank the Gods. It may not be entirely awesome for them to be talking openly about whatever that douche from One Direction's name is knob but I am glad that they talk about many other aspects of sexuality and even boring old human function. We all pretended we didn't have bodies in those days, except when we were trying to make our boobs look bigger on Friday nights. Honest talk is better.

But I do occasionally stray into the mentions of celebrities to see what other people are saying (I'm a people watcher, have been since I was about 4 - people never cease to amaze me) and frankly some of it shocks this sexual harrassment panda. SERIOUSLY between all the "I love you"'s (you don't know them douchewad) and the "please follow me"'s (do fuck off, YOU ARE NOBODY and you sound like a stalker) lie the creepy creepy bastard with the "MARRY ME"'s (stage 1 crazy bastards) the "I want your penis inside me"'s (stage 2 crazy bastards) and the "if you don't acknowledge me I'll kill myself"'s (DEF CON ONE). These people actually make me feel better about my mild lunacy. I am positively sane beside these should-be-committed types. And I'm not sane. And at least I'm FUNNY.
I assume many of these whack jobs to be merely teenagers who aren't doing so great with their hormones. And have that frankness about them that I mentioned earlier. Because who the hell SAYS these things. I faintly remember wishing I could hang off the arm off Nick Seymour and be the one he went home with, but actually say that out loud to him??? No fucking way. He'd think I was fucking crazy. And with good reason. And today, yeah I'll say some stupid flirty nonsense...

... See, I told you he bloody asks for it. (For non twitterers, this is a "favourite" from the big man himself, NEVER ENCOURAGE THE INCORRIGIBLE mwahahahahahaha.) So yeah, I'll flirt a little. I'll even occasionally be a little too familiar or flippant without really meaning to be. But no penises. No suicide threats. No marriage demands. No I love you's, without disclaimer that I don't mean it in a more than fraternal sense. No follow demands, if you follow me it will be because you want to because it's worth nothing otherwise.

I don't yell sexual innuendos at strangers. In fact I don't make any kind of sexy talk at total strangers. That's very fucking creepy. Hell I'm actually pretty lousy at getting started with someone I actually know. I don't even make overt sexual comments directly to those celebs that take my fancy. I will use terms of endearment all the time, but I also do that with other people I care about. I have the biggest heart in the world, and once you're in it, you're in it. Forever. I do occasionally say things like "I'D FUCK HIM" to friends, but I don't really mean it, or I do mean it but would never actively do anything about it without signals that they wanted me to. I guess this is where my line is, I can joke or boast a bit as long as I know I would never actually put that person in a compromising position. And as long as I feel like I maintain respect. It's a pretty fuzzy line from the outside, from the inside I assure you it's solid as a fucking rock. I met Karl Urban (Holy SHIT sizzle) and Katee Sackhoff (equally sizzle, GODDAMN) recently and I'm pretty sure I flirted considerably more with her than him. To reiterate I am as boringly straight as it gets. OK not that straight. I remember thanking him for bringing up the fact that the rest of the country has pretty much forgotten that Christchurch is still a giant carpark courtesy of the Canterbury Earthquakes. I remember telling him that I had been super glad when he was cast in the role of Bones McCoy because holy shit I was scared about the casting for Star Trek. (N E R  D) I also remember gushing like a moron at OMG STARBUCK. Because OMG STARBUCK. Then I told Katee how Karl got his big break on fucking SHORTLAND STREET as Jamie the Ambulance Driver. (He'd already been outed by the audience during the panel, but it was such fun to bring it up with him right there.) Then we had our photo taken and I swear there was not a better smile out of the pair of them all day. Also Kitty had the look you'd expect from a teenager who has her arm wrapped around the luscious Karl Urban. "Holy fuck are my friends going to be jealous".

The moral of this tale, from my perspective is; don't be a fucking creep about your "affections" (I'm am using that term extremely broadly here, because frankly someone you just saw on the street surely doesn't have THAT much of your affection) remember that the person you're directing your attention at is a person, not a piece of meat and deserves the same respect you'd want shown to you. Now just because you might THINK that you would like that kind of attention doesn't mean either that you actually would when it's the 50th time some random douchebag has told you they'd like to stick their head up your skirt or that they're in the mood for it RIGHT NOW. Appropriateness people. Appropriateness. 

Peace. Out.