And it started so well (I'm not even a little bit joking that this bit of my day was super-awesome, it's not irony, I'm still laughing my head off about it) with Peter Dunne MP throwing a wee 2 year old tanty and blocking me.
That was all the entertainment value that will be contained within this post. Think of it as me starting with a joke.
It was all downhill from there.
Because as if I don't have enough exciting medical related crap to worry about, this afternoon I found a lump on my right breast. A huge lump. How big? It isn't small. So in a fit of panic I blubbed for a while, then made a number of frustrated and pissy noises at the universe. Then I called the doctor. His nurse was very understanding and nice, because opposites attract, and told me to come on in and they'd squeeze me in somewhere.
So in I went, and duly had my boobs poked and prodded, the upshot is given all the hardly any information, I'm probably not dying. But best to be on the safe side, so on the urgent list for a mammogram I go. Because FUCK MY LIFE. If I wasn't still in something resembling shock I'm pretty sure I'd be finding this hilarious. There's a part of my brain that's laughing hysterically anyway, but I'm pretty sure that's mania.
So anyway. That's two lumps. Where will the next one show up? Who knows. It's like tumour lottery. I FUCKING DIDN'T BUY A TICKET. Are they connected? Who knows. Until someone has a look at at least one of them, NO FUCKING IDEA. The upshot of this section of this post is, I have no answers. More questions, no answers. Story of my life actually.
On the way home in a fit of maudlin something or other, I decided that if the race to kill me become a reality, I am so fucking totally taking the crisis care part of my life insurance and going to go wherever I need to to meet Paul Blackthorne. Because if life gives you tumours, make travel plans. Or something like that.
There is much anger in me at the moment. I'm going over to the dark side. TWO FUCKING LUMPS. OK both of them are "probably nothing" BUT MY PARENTS BOTH HAD CANCER, my equilibrium is a touch off right now. As in, spinning on the pavement like a lost hubcap. For the next couple of days, universe, I'm calling in insane. LOST THE PLOT ENTIRELY. I plan to hibernate, but can be reached via social media or email. ALL VIRTUAL HUGS GRATEFULLY ACCEPTED.
And now back to listening to The The, because it matches my mood